


On the Importance of Self-Preservation

by TruDivination



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-04-23 11:31:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14331549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TruDivination/pseuds/TruDivination
Summary: Meet Mara Swan as she moves to Forks, Washington, meets the fascinating Cullen family, and begins to notice hints of a supernatural world hiding before her eyes.Of three things she was certain.First, Edward was a vampire.Second, Edward was unquestionably dangerous.And third, Despite the obvious dangers, the lure of observing the supernatural world was far too tempting to even consider ignoring.A Retelling of Twilight with a Main Character Overhaul. Since I changed so many characteristics for the main character, she is no longer Stephanie Meyer's Bella Swan. So I felt it was fair to change the name.





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> The Twilight Saga is Owned by Stephanie Meyer  
> Other than the erasure of Bella, all characters will be as faithful to their original characters as possible.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In media res. Had to to it at some point in my life.

 

Only an idiot thinks they’ll never die.A true idiot throws herself into dangerous situations anyway, so honestly I’m not surprised to see the hostile stare of the hunter before me. 

 

He knows as well as I do that this could have been avoided. 

 

Still, adrenaline and inappropriate exhilaration override my anxiety. Everyone who is born will die someday, and I have always accepted this reality, but how many can claim that they fell to such a unique danger? As much as this is the result of my actions I can’t be sure that my racing heartbeat is entirely caused by fear. 

 

I am not a martyr or a willing sacrifice for a lover or family. I have no expectations that my demise will be painless, pretty, or dignified, but all I know is how stay the course that brought me these consequences. The hunter moves towards me, and I react.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're off!


	2. First Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella Swan was written to be the average girl that the reader can self-identify with.  
> Bella Swan is someone who complains a bit too much for the average girl to feel flattered.  
> Bella Swan, for the purposes of this re-imagining, does not exist.
> 
> After all, if a character acts completely different for the sake of a re-telling, are they really that character? I would say no. So Mara is the new main character now. Enjoy!

Is it possible to do a selfless thing for selfish reasons? My most recent life decisions could be used as an easily cited case study for some overworked philosophy student arguing towards the affirmative.

 

Regardless, this is barely a sacrifice. My mother and her new husband get to enjoy the solitude of the apartment that my departure brings, but I get to avoid any further awkwardness resulting from my proximity to them when they get carried away.

 

I thought that libido was supposed to be gone by the time you’re middle aged. I can’t say I was thrilled to be proven wrong.

 

Anyway, as much as my mother complains about the climate of gloomy, sunless Forks, Washington, I’ve always found it to be no worse than Phoenix. Charming, lovely Phoenix, Arizona, home of blistering, eye-burning, garbage-can melting, _endless_ sun. My mother finds life here. All I’ve ever found is heatstroke.

 

Moving to Forks to stay with my father indefinitely may have been a rather large decision to make on impulse, but even the two weeks spent between my proposal and my flight did nothing to shake my resolve. People have described me as determined. Sometimes I suspect they mean obnoxiously stubborn.

 

The true relief was how easy it was to convince my mother to let me go, and how eager my father was to have me around. My physical distance from him has concerned me at times. In my early childhood, “father” just meant a man I saw for a few weeks a year who always had smiles for me, but spoke a different tone with my mother. 

Whenever I was having a child’s temper tantrum and wished to be particularly cruel to my mother, I would scream that I wish she had left me behind with Dad. Being the daughter of a police chief brought about irresistible fantasies of riding in the police car one day, blaring the siren as loud as possible in a frantic chase after ne’er-do-wells. 

 

I once asked him if he could bring me next time a bank gets robbed. He just laughed, saying, “Mara, you’d have to find a bank for this town to even have first, let alone rob.”

 

I do not enjoy being laughed at. The stern scolding I attempted to deliver was struck down by more laughter at the sight of a petulant seven-year-old doing her best to lecture her father on proper behavior. Mother managed to let out a warning “ _Charlie_ ” but got no further before lapsing into her own fit of giggles.

 

I eventually got my wish somewhat fulfilled today. My father picked me up from the airport in his cruiser. I was looking forward to making jokes about being picked up from high school with red and blue lights flashing before he told me something that had honestly never occurred to me as a possibility.

 

“I got you a car. Good one, well priced at that.”

 

I blinked. Conversations are not my forte. Unexpected revelations are not a helpful factor either. I quickly calculated that now was a good time to respond before things got too awkward. 

 

“Thanks Dad.”

 

Good talk. 

 

I didn’t ask any questions about the car itself. I know nothing of cars besides their colors. He could have told me the year, the model, and the brand and all that information would be meaningless to me. I could ask the color, hopefully blue, but that seemed a bit picky after he’d already gone and gotten me a car from his own wallet.

 

“Does Forks have a good mechanic? Because in my hands it might as well be already broken. What about insurance, do we have,”

 

Dad assumed his stern “Police Chief Swan” face as he cut me off. “Don’t go breaking the car Mara.” 

 

Just as I decided to not worry about the car at all, he spoke up again.

 

“If worse comes to worst Billy said his son Jacob had fixed the truck up before when they owned it, perhaps he’d be willing to help you out.”

 

I had no memories of faces to attach to these names, but I just nodded as if I recognized whoever these last owners of my car were. Names and faces were not my forte either. 

 

My truck was red, to my disappointment, but I refused to let that show and thanked Dad once again as we pulled into the driveway of his small, two-bedroom house. It was the kind of vehicle that looked far too clunky to parallel park neatly by the side of the road, but I was perfectly fine with that. I failed that part of the test twice. 

 

Dad left me to settle into my room, reorganize furniture, and mentally prepare myself to start at a new school tomorrow. If this were a TV pilot or a young adult novel, the bashful but beautiful female lead would have left her large number of friends back home, going from queen bee to uncomfortable newcomer. 

 

It really makes one appreciate not being a bombshell or popular. I can’t see too much trouble with going from a certainty of no close friends in Phoenix to an unknown situation. For all I know I could make some true lifelong friends here. 

 

I dismiss that thought. It’s better to go in with no expectations. Whatever happens will happen and I’ll just live through it. At least Dad got me a computer. I think he should have led with that instead of the car.

 

The next morning, I woke up to the dreary atmosphere that only a light drizzle can bring. Depending on how often this would happen would determine if anything was going to make me regret this move. Drizzling is the rain that is too weak to do anything but slowly seep out for hours, not damaging but definitely inconvenient. Honestly I prefer thunderstorms.

 

After a quick and quiet breakfast with Dad, he left for the police station. I realized I forgot to ask for directions to Forks High School. One frantic search for a town map later, I gave up and just decided I’d head for the highway. Forks wasn’t big enough for this strategy to fail, probably, and I have a bad habit of arriving late to important events. I’d hate to let people find that out before week two of school, at the earliest.

 

As I located the school and turned off the highway, I noticed I could pick up three particular scents that “Billy” and “Jacob” must have left behind; tobacco, gasoline, and peppermint. I hoped the latter two scents would linger. The tobacco might take some getting used to. At least the radio worked in the truck, now that I knew where the school was some distraction could be allowed.

 

After securing my schedule, map, and slips awaiting my teachers’ signatures from the helpful woman at the front desk, I looked around for a bit before deciding to follow the growing number of my new classmates into the halls. Once or twice I would think I saw a familiar face before remembering that I was several states away from whoever I was confusing these strangers for. Sometimes people can share the same nondescript qualities, but I should probably make more of an effort to remember people regardless.

 

I didn’t have to stand in front of my first class, English, and be introduced to the group. Plus.

 

None of the reading material was new to me. Double Plus.

 

The teacher droned on instead of reprimanding me for doodling on my notes. I think I love Forks High School already.

 

_Having low standards really makes my life easier,_ I thought as I made my way to my second class, Government. 

 

There were some students who were intrigued by the new face in their midst, but only a few bothered to introduce themselves to my relief. I mostly put on a smile, accepted guidance around the building when necessary, and answered questions when prompted by the curious. I even tried to remember a few names.

 

Come lunchtime I was looking forward to reading _A Confederacy of Dunces_ , snagged from my Dad’s living room. I had already resolved not come across as “that girl” who shuns social interaction and scoffs at the glamorous popular people, nor did I want to try and learn fifty new names and chat about celebrities. If talked to, I would respond politely, but I wasn’t in the mood for initiating conversation. Finding an empty table, I sat down with my book.

 

Halfway through lunch I noticed the table of people in front of me was remarkably different than the rest of the crowds. I may have noticeable difficulty telling people apart sometimes, but I don’t think I could confuse this group for anyone else. Except, perhaps, for themselves. Despite being a group of both males and females, with different hair colors and physiques, they were all so alike in a way that separated them from the rest of the cafeteria. 

 

They looked like a touched up fashion photo come to life, from a world more glamorous advertisement than reality. The five all had the same pale skin, the angled faces, the dark eyes; it was almost unsettling. They also gave off the same unapproachable aura, and no one else in the cafeteria seemed to want to pursue conversation with them.

 

In other words, they were fascinating.

 

I wanted to draw them. I may not be the best artist out there, but it’s still a fun hobby. I have no idea what career I want to follow, but having a portfolio of life drawings in case art school became affordable couldn’t hurt. After fishing through my bag for extra pencils and paper, I realized how creepy it would seem if anyone saw me staring and copying the likeness of people I didn’t even know the names of. 

 

I replaced the items in my bag and returned my gaze to the table, only to realize that one of the strange group was now staring at me. It was one of the three males, the one with reddish-brown hair. I figured he was trying to find out if I was new. I met his gaze for a second, blinked, and then returned to my book.

 

As it turned out, that particular member of the “living marble” group, so cleverly named by myself, was in my next class, science. I don’t think he was too happy to be assigned as my lab partner. I wouldn’t be too happy either if I had a table to myself only to be forced to share out of the blue. Group projects are another part of the long list of things I don’t do well with.

 

Ignoring his frustration, and remembering my resolve to be just a tad bit more social than normal, I decided to introduce myself.

 

“It’s nice to meet you. My name’s Mara Swan.”

 

Adhering to the social traditions of someone born decades ago, I held out my hand. He flinched back, seating himself as far away from me as possible. I decided to ignore him. I didn’t care to pry into the manners of someone who made me look like an extrovert by comparison. His behavior was doing my self esteem a huge favor. And at least he was someone I could easily recognize. 

 

The second class ended he bolted out the door. Despite my decision to ignore him, I was rather impressed by the speed and fluidity of his escape. Regardless of his undesirable behavior so far, his physical attributes were leagues above anyone I’d ever met. 

 

A voice emanating from behind me interrupted my repeated desire to capture his likeness with a sketch or two.

 

“Do you and Edward Cullen know each other?” I turned to see the blonde inhabitant of the lab table behind me, shaking my head.

 

“No,” I started, looked to the side, and continued, “Just to be clear you are talking about the guy who was next to me, right? I never got his name.”

 

The blonde, who introduced himself as Mike, just laughed at that.

 

“Don’t worry. The Cullens’ are just kind of weird. I haven’t seen him act that weird before though.”

 

As we both walked to our next class, gym, I explained my theory on his being disgruntled over having to suddenly have a lab partner, which was received with another friendly laugh by Mike. 

 

Fortunately for me, gym class was the last of the day. Any school that made you run around, sweat, change back, and then go to other classes still obviously wanted its students to suffer.

 

After cleaning off from the sweat of physical exertion, I headed back to the front office with the signed slips and teacher signatures I had collected. There, I saw that Edward Cullen was arguing with the receptionist. I hung back by the door waiting for him to leave, putting my ears to some use. 

 

He may have been talking in a low tone, but I never really saw it as eavesdropping if you’re in a public space like an office. If I had to wait for him, I might as well hear what was making him talk in such an urgent tone. 

 

“I need to transfer out of that class, right now.”

 

The receptionist shook her head. 

 

“I’m sorry Mr. Cullen but transfers at this time from current students are not being accepted. If you’re having trouble with the teacher or your peers, you should take it up with counseling, but at this time,”

 

He cut her off, exclaiming “Look, isn’t there anything you can do? Any Bio class, I don’t care, but I can’t stay in that one.”

 

This piqued my interest. Was I the cause of this? Granted that was a rather self absorbed thought but given my current knowledge and the reported peculiarity of his behavior in my presence I couldn’t think of another explanation. I was too baffled to be offended. 

 

As my mind raced with theories ranging from _Perhaps we did once know each other and he’s disgusted that I don’t recognize him_ , to _Maybe I ran over his cat with my truck on the way to school_ , a strong breeze floated through the windows, and one of my signed slips fluttered to the floor. I retrieved it, and rose to see Edward Cullen’s glare. 

 

He really did look pissed off. Was he mad I heard that? Uneasy, I took a step back. Edward Cullen was beautiful, definitely recognizable to me. But that was the intense glare of someone who felt true hostility towards me. My danger signals immediately colored my perception. This was someone I should fear. 

 

This was someone I should observe. From a safe distance of course.

 

As that misguided thought flickered across my mind, well worn by horrendous safety decisions, Edward’s glare faded as he sighed, thanked the receptionist, and left. I handed her the slips as I had intended, and headed back to my truck, wondering if I could get some sketches done from memory. 

 

It didn’t matter to me that he seemingly hated me for no reason. If anything, that just increased my curiosity. Danger signals and intuition ignored, I decided that starting tomorrow, I’d find out what exactly was going on with the all too interesting Edward Cullen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I counted. This is shorter than Stephanie Meyer's chapter one by around 3,500 words. Makes you think, doesn't it? 
> 
> I'll be quite honest. I enjoy Twilight.   
> I do not enjoy Bella Swan.   
> Her constant whining is a bit grating for my tastes, and honestly rather insulting for a "Reader Insert" character. I guess this is half re-imaging, half review from the POV of someone in the Twilight world? We'll just have to see I guess.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comments are immensely appreciated!


	3. Conspicuous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara is bad at faces, cars, conversation, and fashion. Mara is almost competent at hiding this fact.

**** I decided to call Edward’s social group the “Alabasters” from now on, it seemed like a more fitting name. At the very least it had more thought put into it than “Living Marbles”.

 

My desires to learn more about this strange group were impeded by my inability to just ask someone about them. I deduced from Mike’s comment yesterday that there was more than one Cullen, but it seemed strange to believe the entire group of five was related unless they were sets of cousins. Today though, they were only a quartet at lunch. 

 

Edward Cullen’s absence was a rather frustrating development. However, this allowed me further time to rework my original plan of “accidentally” crashing into him to see his reaction.

 

In hindsight, formulating a plan that revolved around trying to intentionally anger him was a horrendous idea, and proof that I should consider finding a strategy consultant. 

 

I sat down to an empty lab table in Biology. Five minutes after everyone was seated and I was still alone, the teacher decided to make a quip about how I was a scary newcomer who murdered Mr. Cullen for the extra space. By the time I processed the humor in his statement, the chuckles from the class had subsided. 

 

I brainstormed better ideas for my independent Cullen study in-between my note-taking.Unlike my last school, none of my teachers had yet questioned why every other line in my notebook was written in substitution ciphers or with a different alphabet. God bless the apathy of the Forks High faculty.

 

As I walked to the parking lot after classes let out for the day, I heard a group of male students discussing the value of the car the “Alabasters” were climbing into. I decided to stall my departure by pretending to search for my keys at the bottom of my backpack and listened closely to a particularly disgruntled sounding classmate.

 

“All I want to know is just how much money Dr. Cullen is really making here. I get he’s a well paid surgeon and all that, but enough for his kids to have a brand new Volvo a month after their brand new Cadillac? What’s next, a personalized Porsche for each of them?”

 

One of his companions shrugged. “Maybe the Hale twins had some money tucked away of their own. They’re eighteen now, so what if they helped buy the car with inheritance funds or something?”

 

Another friend snorted. “So the rich look after the rich. There’s your big news flash of today.”

 

In my car, I added “Cullen-Hales” under the heading “Alabasters” in my notebook. I also resolved to find out more about cars. I had only recognized two of those brands.

 

Checking my email for the first time upon my return home revealed three emails already from my mom. The first email was sent barely half a day after my departure. The other two were brief messages complaining about the lack of response. I supposed I should feel guilty for not responding immediately, but she had Phil now to keep her company. I sent a quick message claiming that I had trouble with setting up my email here, that I needed to go make dinner now, and that I’d send a longer email tonight.

 

When it came to cooking skills, I was truly my Father’s daughter. However in his defense, at least he was able to make an intact omelet. I wondered if he often went out to eat, or if eggs and bacon were his staple dinner too. I was fine with either option really. Eggs are protein, bacon is delicious, and restaurants don’t require me to cook.

 

As my father and I dined on scrambled eggs (Eggs-over-Easy was a bit too ambitious for now), he remembered that fathers typically ask how their children’s day at school went.

 

“Well, so far I have neither been flushed down a toilet, nor tripped at lunch. Furthermore my arrival has not caused any major upheavals such as four boys suddenly jockeying for my attention, and a clique hasn’t tried to recruit me as a social weapon against their lunchtime enemies. I feel like I’ve been mislead about the ‘new kid’ experience.”

 

He laughed at that. “What about friends? Have you made any yet?”

 

“I get along with people. Nothing outstanding. I usually read during lunch, but people seem nice here. Normal.”

 

I snagged a piece of bacon with my fork before asking “What’s a Volvo?”

 

I should have phrased that question better. I already had figured out it was a car brand. While Dad was busy chuckling at his own humor I dumped my plate in the sink and went upstairs to research for myself, and to figure out how to write a loving daughter’s shortest possible email to a clingy mother.

 

The amount of Cullen-Hales attending classes was one short for the remainder of the week. In that time I found out that the girls were named Rosalie and Alice based on discussions I overheard in the girl’s locker room about the quality of their designer clothes. I added designer clothes to the list of things I should learn more about. I also needed to learn which Alabaster girl was which.

 

With nothing new happening that was anywhere near as exciting as the first day, my interest in Edward Cullen began to wane. I had felt something intriguing about him, something abnormal, but not enough yet to drive me to stalk his house or anything. Instead of working on theories about his absence, I spent the weekend watching television and occasionally doing homework. I debated cleaning the house a bit, but decided it could be left as it was until enough dust piled up to cause allergies.

 

Monday brought the first snow I had ever seen. I spent too much time outside before lunch trying to catch a flake in my mouth before slipping on some ice and falling backward. 

 

Years of being accident-prone never made me more graceful, but I did eventually learn how to fall correctly. I escaped unscathed from the treacherous ice, save for a slightly bruised arm.

 

As I walked into the cafeteria trying to comb the melting flakes out of my hair, I was surprised to see the Cullen truant had returned. I didn’t notice any glares in my direction or attempts to flee the cafeteria as I sat down at my preferred quiet table. I had to put him out of my mind for now though. I had to finish my Bio homework before the next period. 

 

For the first time since my beginning day at Forks High School, I had to share my lab table again. Edward sat down next to me as I was embellishing the back of my newly completed worksheet with song lyrics written in my newest code. The symbols of this one were made to look like vines.

 

Edward’s gaze flickered back and forth between the coded lyrics and my face before he spoke. I couldn’t tell if it was my facial recognition deficiencies in play but there seemed to be something different about his features.

 

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Edward Cullen. You said you were Mara, correct? Chief Swan’s daughter?”

 

I blinked. Physical features aside, his whole temperament was different from my one day of observation. And it seemed his behavior on that day really was an anomaly.

 

“Is Forks really that small of a town?” I blurt out before shaking my head. “Sorry. I mean yes. I am.”

 

He laughed softly at my response, looking again at the back of my decorated worksheet before I passed it up to the front of the class in exchange for the in-class lab’s microscope slides. We were working with onion root tip cells and phases of mitosis. 

 

The benefit of having done the homework minutes before class was that the definitions we needed for the lab were still relatively fresh in my mind. I looked through the microscope at the first selected slide.

 

“Um…the first one I think. Prephase?” 

 

“It’s prophase.”

 

That sounded more correct than what I had suggested. Biology has too much memorization for my liking.

 

We continued the lab, passing the microscope back and forth. I nearly dropped a slide when his hand grazed my bruised arm. He jolted back too, a gesture nearly forgotten in my relief born from saving the slide. We finished the lab without further incident. 

 

I was in the middle of converting the lyrics of a new song choice into vine symbols in my notebook when Edward turned to me again.

 

“Did you make that code you’re using?”

 

I nodded, chewing on the side of my cheek while I added a leaf to the end of the letter I was on.

 

“Most people ask me what language it is, not code.”

 

He let out an amused snort. “You made the symbols for the vowels too distinct from the consonants. I can’t tell if that one with the swirls in the middle is supposed to be an A or an E though.”

 

I didn’t feel like telling him it’s an E. 

 

“Is it poetry? I’m guessing that or song lyrics. There’s repetition in the lines.”

 

“Care to guess? I’m not original enough to come up with my own work right now.”

 

I pushed the notebook towards him and he studied it for a bit. I wrote my grocery list on my hand in the meantime. Suddenly he laughed.

 

“Space Oddity?”

 

I laughed back. “I was afraid that the words ‘Major Tom’ showed up too much. Makes it a bit obvious.”

 

He raised an eyebrow. Something really was different about his face but I couldn’t remember enough of it from the first day to compare. _I really should have drawn his face that first day_ , I thought.

 

“Isn’t it weird for a code to have an obvious clue? It defeats the secrecy.”

 

I shrugged. “Secrecy really isn’t on my mind. I’m not hiding anything really, that’s not the point. I’d think if I wanted to use codes to hide things I’d make them far less showy.”

 

He looked skeptical for a moment, but it passed.

 

“Why though?”

 

“Why what?”

 

“Why do you write in codes?”

 

I blinked. The truth is I don’t really know the answer to that. I’ve been asked this question before by suspicious teachers who thought I was using them to cheat, to school counselors who believed the writing on my arms was a sign of a troubled home. I never have a good answer, but confessing that it’s merely boredom and a present compulsion never goes anywhere.

 

“I guess it’s comparable to a mental puzzle? All I’m really doing is taking song lyrics or anything already written and I convert it to a new form. I like making new alphabets or rules for the code too so I suppose I want to make the puzzle more fun to complete.”

 

He was frowning for some reason, looking away and muttering to himself.

 

“That doesn’t explain why…”

 

I frown a bit too, confused at where the conversation has lead. I try to move the subject to something else.

 

“Did you get a haircut?”

 

Now he’s the one who shows confusion on his face.

 

“No. Why?”

 

Before I could clumsily explain that something I can’t identify on his face looks different, Mr. Banner called for the class’s attention and I seized the opportunity to drop the conversation entirely. 

 

It took me another two periods before I realized that his eyes were now a different color than they had been that day in the office. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still haven't been able to work out a proper schedule for this, especially with end of the semester work piling up. I'll do my best to update at least once every two weeks though. 
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated. It definitely helps keep this story in the forefront of my mind.
> 
> Thank You!


	4. Fantastic Circumstances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questionable decisions are made by Mara, and then placed under scrutiny. A van may be involved. Bad manners ahead.

When you wake up to find that nature gifted you an ice rink on your driveway overnight, doing a running slide to your car is a perfect way to show appreciation. I just was going a bit too fast and my previously undamaged arm now sported a worse bruise than the one I had received from yesterday’s antics.

 

Fortunately for me, Dad had put snow chains on my car’s tires, so the fact that I had no idea how to drive on ice didn’t prove itself to be a problem. After parking at the school, I decided to re-tighten the chains now before I had the chance to forget. 

 

I fumbled with the chains as more classmates arrived. The Cullen-Hale’s Volvo pulled in just as I finished the last back tire’s adjustments and stepped back to observe my work. 

 

A screeching sound behind me suddenly shifted my mind into adrenaline filled action. 

 

I processed the event in flashes. 

 

_A dark van careening towards me on the ice._

 

_Muffled shouts emanating from an unrecognizable sea of faces._

 

_My hands grabbing the underside of the red flatbed._

 

_My line of sight rapidly becoming lower to the ground, turning to face my car._

 

_My head glancing off the truck as I propelled myself forward._

 

_A cold, wet feeling scraping against my legs, back, and cheek._

 

_The smell of car parts and oil above me._

 

_The van inches away from my location._

 

The moment before impact, something from the opposite side of the incoming van seized my leg and dragged me out from under my truck, jerking me across the ice. I came to a stop, blinking stupidly up at the sky, still trying to process all the flashes of sensory overload.

 

I tried to get up but found I couldn’t muster the will to move. The force around my leg had retreated to be replaced by throbbing pain. My hip’s pain sensors were also complaining from the effects of the sudden pull. I tried to move again but only felt nausea and an invisible weight pressing me down into the ice. 

 

Finally my brain decided to process the cacophony of sounds around me. It was if I had been wearing thick headphones that were violently removed only to be replaced by amplifiers. Everything was too loud and too much. I picked out a particularly close-by sound, a low angry voice muttering just outside my peripheral vision.

 

“…under … car. under the….why…how…the car…stupid…”

 

I was beginning to guess the cause of the speaker’s vexation.

 

More sounds filtered in, People running over, voices tinged with panic and concern. As they drowned out nearby mutterings, I realized the angry voice belonged to Edward.

 

I finally made myself sit up, only to feel cold hands at my back and shoulders. I turned to face Edward as he supported me, his face a mix of relief and frustration.

 

“Mara?”

 

I blinked instead of responding. Worry clouded his features. 

 

“Mara seriously are you ok? Can you hear me?”

 

I finally find my voice.

 

“Yeah…um…yeah I’m still…” He frowned, concerned.

 

“Still trying to … process..” I feebly waved a hand in front of my face. He sighed in response, giving me the time to make coherent thoughts.

 

I noticed my hand had a small cut from when I grabbed the underside of the flatbed. A line of blood had just started to seep out. Edward seemed to notice as well, he stiffened and shifted back; the hands supporting my back seemed excessively tense, the grip far too tight.

 

Without thinking I brought my hand to mouth to clean the wound. One of the hands clenching my back shot out to grasp my wrist instead. It felt like a vise was holding me in place. Edward’s voice sounded strained.

 

“Absolutely not Mara.”

 

I nodded and he released my hand. Fear was finally filtering in among the overload. I buried my unease as I clenched my injured hand into my scarf. 

 

I turned to face Edward again. The change in his eye color was even more obvious in the outdoor light, the gold much more prominent. 

 

“Why?”

 

His laugh betrayed the uneasiness he was feeling.

 

“Hygiene is a good reason. You don’t want an infection, right?”

 

I remembered his father was a doctor. I gave off an uneasy laugh of my own.

 

“Probably for the best then. Besides, If people saw me tasting my blood they might get the wrong idea.”

 

His face froze into shock and a glint of hostility. I raised an eyebrow as I tried to explain the joke.

 

“You know, new kid’s a vampire? Horror movie tropes?”

 

I had never seen anyone facepalm before that moment as his shock melted into exasperation. 

 

“Mara, I seriously do not understand your thought process. At all.”

 

I didn’t know how to respond to something like that. My head was a whirlwind of too many emotions and senses to even try.

 

Edward sighed again. 

 

“What were you thinking?”

 

“….about what?”

 

His gaze rapidly becomes more frustrated.

 

“You see a van about to smash you to pieces and your response is to dive underneath your own car? Why would you do that?”

 

“Slide.”

 

It was his turn to blink instead of responding. I clarified.

 

“I didn’t dive, I slid under.”

 

The exasperation and anger returned.

 

“How can you think the word choice is important? Mara, you threw yourself under your car!”

 

The feeling of hostility was back in full force. Those eyes were terrifying now that I could see them properly. I wished he would let go of me and shifted my weight to the side hoping he’d get the hint. He chose to ignore it.

 

I fumbled for words to explain my actions.

 

“…..impulse?”

 

The hostile aura didn’t fade at all. I turned my head and tried to explain myself again.

 

“Look, sliding on the ice was in my head, all right? The van was sliding, I was sliding around this morning on my driveway, so I slid under the truck.”

 

The golden eyes narrowed, but the hostility seemed to fade. 

 

“Did you think that would protect you or something? Your thoughts aren’t making any sense here. None of them do.”

 

I shrug, still wary of his presence.

 

“Why does it matter if you don’t understand me?” I mutter under my breath. I can understand myself just fine. 

 

Edward didn’t seem to hear me. He was occupied with reassuring the gathered crowd I wasn’t hurt too seriously when they asked. It seemed someone had called in emergency services for me and the driver of the van.

 

Unfamiliar hands grabbed me and guided me to an ambulance. Either Forks had an impressively fast emergency response system, or I had been lying on the ground long enough to cause genuine concern. 

 

As I caught a glimpse of the crumpled van and my relatively unharmed truck, it occurred to me just how far away Edward’s car had been from mine. And hadn’t his family pulled up moments before the incident? Despite that, he had pulled me out from the other side of my truck, when logic dictated that he should have been on the side that was about to be collided with, and also several feet away from the impact altogether. The other four Cullen-Hales were glaring at Edward, as if by pulling me away he had done something wrong.

 

Once again, Edward Cullen was back on my priorities list. The rest of his family couldn’t be ignored anymore either.

 

My dad arrived as I was being helped onto a stretcher. Edward had told the medical workers I hit my head when I dove under the truck, and that pulling me from underneath so fast may have caused whiplash.

 

I assured Dad I was fine as I conceded to wearing the provided neck brace. Too many pain receptors were firing as the shock wore off, draining my energy to argue.

 

One of the medical workers in the ambulance gave me a pen when I asked for one. Instead of using the provided sticky note, I jotted down my key thoughts on my arm in my “Triangle Substitution 4” code, right above the bruise I got on my driveway this morning. I almost finished before they noticed and took away the pen. I wished I hadn’t left my backpack in the car.

 

In the county hospital emergency room I had to answer too many questions for my liking. I suppose that’s a downside to now living with a parent who didn’t raise me, as my dad wouldn’t be able to answer questions about my medical history unless he drove home to get the records I brought from Phoenix.

 

“Have you ever been to an emergency room before?” 

 

“Yes _”_

 

“For what reason?”

 

“I went over the handlebars of my bike and hit my head.”

 

I regretted telling the doctor that. Now they wanted to do scans for head trauma. What I felt now was nothing at all like that incident, so I wasn’t too worried, but there were protocols to follow so I let my annoyance subside. The doctor was just doing his job.

 

The bed next to mine was soon occupied by the driver of the van. I now knew from the calls of worry I heard in the parking lot that his name was Tyler. I think he was in one of my classes.

 

He started spewing anxious apologies the second he saw me as the nurses started treating the cuts on his face. I assured him I was ok, that the worst was averted.

 

“I can’t believe you dove under your car! I thought you were going to be crushed for sure Mara! I’m so,”

 

I cut him off before he could apologize again.

 

“Tyler, I’m alive. You got the worst of it.”

 

I felt that might have been a bit rude and wondered how to correct what I said, but he settled down upon being reminded of his own pain.

 

“Also I slid. Diving implies head first. I think.”

 

He gave a hesitant grin to that.

 

“Either way I wasn’t under the car when it was hit. You wouldn’t have seen it, but Edward pulled me out from the other side right before the impact. I’m here because they’re worried about my self-inflicted injuries.”

 

Tyler’s face seemed a bit more relieved upon hearing that. “It’s still my fault you were in that situation. I was going too fast even for a non-icy road.”

 

“The worst didn’t happen so there’s no need to obsess too much over it, wouldn’t you think?”

 

“You didn’t cause it.” He responded, rolling his eyes a bit before wincing at the action.

 

I tried again to assuage his guilt. “Anyway, I’m not too sure that I was in much danger under the car. It didn’t look like your van moved it much.”

 

Tyler looked very skeptical upon hearing that. “I don’t think that being under a car means you’re safe from impact though. It just means you can’t move out of the way if something worse happens. That’s how people get pinned and die, you know?”

 

The nurses began shooting me even more concerned looks. I needed to defuse the situation before they decided I belonged in the mental ward.

 

“I suppose you’re right. What if my truck exploded?”

 

Tyler laughed at that before cutting off with a pained wheeze. 

 

“Cars don’t explode or even catch fire as easily as that Mara. I would think avoiding shrapnel would be the bigger problem.”

 

It seemed humor was able to stop the apologies, so I made a few more quips about what would have happened if this were a movie. My truck would have burst into flames, scarring me for life, and I’d have to become a Supervillian who would destroy blue vans across the world. I had lost my original point entirely by the time they wheeled me out to scan my head, but at least Tyler felt better.

 

The head scans didn’t reveal any conclusive signs of brain injury, or even a concussion, but they still wanted to keep me for observation. Apparently previous head injuries like the bicycle incident can cause complications later on, which was news to me. 

 

I felt like cursing my twelve-year-old self for ever having the thought that there would be no problem with taking a new gear bike and riding down a staircase without a helmet. She was really making things difficult for me here.

 

At this point the pain had completely set in. Now in addition to the two bruises on my arms I had from previous falls on icy ground, I had friction burns from the icy gravel I slid over, my palms hurt from the apparently sharp edge on the flatbed, my back was bruised from the sudden impact, my neck and hip hurt from the sudden force Edward used to pull me out from under the truck, and I had knocked my head against the truck and then against the ground. 

 

I was confused about the origin of some of the bruises until I realized they were caused by Edward’s hands, both during and after the incident. This was actually starting to worry me again, but I didn’t voice any of it to the doctor. 

 

After the examinations were over for the time being, they brought me painkillers and transferred me to a proper hospital room with Tyler. Surprisingly they had also brought us some lunch. The bicycle incident had convinced me that they don’t serve food in hospitals.

 

Once the pain faded it took every inch of willpower not to relieve boredom by making a joke about the hospital housing victims and perpetrators in the same room. Tyler wouldn’t find it funny.

 

Another doctor walked in soon enough and spoke to Tyler first. I wasn’t too surprised to see the name tag “Dr. Carlisle Cullen”, he looked inhuman in the exact same way as the “Alabasters”. Looking closely at him, it dawned on me that either Dr. Cullen was either a biological father at age two or he just adopted teenagers because there was no way he was over thirty. 

 

As my own brain pressured me to accept more and more unconventional explanations, Dr. Cullen finished with Tyler and then turned to me. At the same moment, Edward walked into the room. As we talked, I noticed the two of them were concerned less about my self inflicted injuries and more about the ones Edward gave me, assessing their severity.

 

When Dr. Cullen saw the bruising on my wrist and shoulders from where Edward had grabbed me after the incident, his concern deepened. With each new one he saw a look of guilt deepened on Edward’s face. Those ones couldn’t be explained by his panic of extracting me from under the car. Fortunately nothing on me was fractured.

 

Finally, the doctor turned to leave, motioning for Edward to follow him out. I called out to Edward as he turned to go.

 

“Thank You.”

 

He turned back to me, Dr. Cullen watching the situation with a cautious look on his face.

 

“You saved me.” I felt a bit annoyed by my lack of manners. I should have thanked him long before now. 

 

Edward nodded, the guilt on his face growing more obvious. He and the doctor departed only to be replaced by my dad and Tyler’s parents coming in to check on their injured children. 

 

My dad is the best. He brought me my backpack and drove my car home for me. He also brought me news that my mother had been told what happened and was now demanding I reassure her through the phone. 

 

When I was able to use the hospital’s phone, I gave her a rundown of the incident and assured her that I had no permanent damage. I didn’t tell her I tried to hide from the crash under my car. She never asked for more than bare bones descriptions of the event, so I had no chance or reason to falsify the miraculousness of my rescue.

 

As I copied the notes on my arm to my notebook I added the new observations from the hospital into it. There was no way to deny at this point that something was strange about the Cullen-Hale family, and if Edward was going to keep being the central most interesting thing, then it seemed he would have to be my gateway into a world of different logic and rules.

 

As I was about to go to sleep I remembered him flinching back from my blood. A hypothesis placed itself into my mind, but the diurnal behavior was a counterpoint. When no easy answers came to mind, I let myself rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been less than 48 hours since the last chapter (i think?) but I don't sleep ever so it feels like it's been too long. 
> 
> I have to admit this is my favorite chapter of what I have written. 
> 
> I'm ahead of schedule for now, might have something up Saturday? Not sure. 
> 
> Anyway, Please enjoy and let me know how you're enjoying it! It seriously motivates me to finish my coursework when I know people are enjoying what I'm writing. 
> 
> Thanks!


	5. Impatience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara makes more codes. Edward breaks his silence to try and break codes instead. 
> 
> Mara also enjoys a delicious dinner of Baked Potato with Butter, Sour Cream, and copious amounts of Barbecue Sauce.

It would have been nice if my teachers had excused my homework entirely, but at least they gave Tyler and me a week to catch up on the two days we were kept in the hospital. We ended up working together during lunch once we returned. Some of his friends followed him to my table, but I kept my focus on my work.

 

The new company granted me favorable circumstances to ask about the Cullen-Hales. Under pretense of finding out more about the family of the one who saved me and the doctor who watched over me in the hospital, I learned that all of the “Alabasters” were adopted children of Dr. Cullen and his wife. I also finally learned the names to each face.

 

Edward himself was once more trying to sit as far away from me as the lab table would allow, but I saw none of the hostility from the first day. His features had frozen into an unreadable mask. He gave only the minimum responses to my greetings.

 

Enough people approached me to ask about my choice of ducking under my truck that I began to wish that I had just frozen and let Tyler’s truck hit me. I murmured that thought to Edward after a few days of the silent treatment. I wouldn’t have known he heard me if he hadn’t rolled his eyes. I got no other response.

 

Unfortunately for me, any attempt to engage Edward in conversation just ended as he refused to talk or even meet my eyes. I formed a hypothesis as to why when I tried to spark conversation by mentioning that I was now officially one hundred percent healed only prompted his face to darken and his head to turn farther from my direction.

 

It was a bit relieving to decide that his silence was based on the guilt I saw that day at the hospital. However, I had no ideas as to relieve him of it so that I could be free to selfishly grill him with questions about what he really was.

 

With interaction being once again non-existent between us, I threw myself into research after each school day. I ghosted around online encyclopedias of mythology, “authentic” first hand accounts of paranormal sightings, and slow-loading videos claiming to “prove” the existence of ghosts. 

 

Weekends I spent at the library mostly, but it was far from helpful in my efforts. It still had enough books to distract me, and I enjoyed the atmosphere a bit too much to motivate myself to get back to work.

 

After a few weeks of silent treatment and dead ends in my research, Tyler was still sitting at my table despite our makeup work being long since completed. As a result, I ended up finding out that there was going to be a school dance in two weeks when Tyler asked if I was going. 

 

In my experience dances are more of a slow event with bad music than an enjoyable social experience, so I quickly judged the dance not worth worrying about. My tendency to become distracted from my goal by irrelevant but interesting stories was rather time-consuming.

 

I told Tyler I would have to see what my plans were. People never accept outright when you say you aren’t going to something they consider important.

 

Regardless, I started overhearing more and more talk concerning the dance as I passed by groups chatting in the hallways on my way to Biology. From there I learned an important bit of trivia Tyler forgot to mention, the dance was “girl’s choice”. So that eliminated people asking me out as a joke or a dare like what happened in middle school.

 

As I sat down next to my still silent lab partner, I briefly listened to Mike telling his lab partner about how Jessica asked him to the dance, tried very hard to remember if Jessica was someone I was supposed to know from a class because the name was sort of familiar, before giving up entirely and starting a daydream about a group of dashing con-artists piloting a flying ship. As the imaginary swindler smooth-talked an entire village out of their sacred relics, I realized Mike was trying to get my attention from behind me. I turned around to face him.

 

“Sorry Mike, dozed off there. What was that you asked?”

 

“I asked if you were asking anyone to the dance.”

 

I gave off a bit of a laugh at the notion. “I don’t think anyone’s really interested. And it’s not like I have anyone in mind really.”

 

It occurred to me at that moment that if I asked Edward Cullen to the dance I could get a chance to press him for information. This thought was immediately followed by a reality check. If he wouldn’t speak to me right now, his chances of accepting a dance invitation were abysmal. 

 

Mike looked incredulous. “There’s definitely someone who’d accept if you asked, it’s not like you’re some kind of hopeless case or anything. I could ask around if you wanted, see if anyone needs a date still?”

 

I shook my head. “I appreciate the thought Mike, but this is probably for the best. It’s best if I leave the party for those who can bring it to life.”

 

“You sure? Because I was talking to Jessica and I’m pretty sure that she said that this guy, don’t remember if she said who, said you were pretty cute in a sort of quiet girl turns daredevil way, I could ask her if she remembers who that was if you like.”

 

I needed an excuse before this got even more awkward for me. Even if this guy did exist, I’m not going to ask someone out based on hearsay, gossip, and misplaced flattery. If this was about my stunt with the car again I supposed I should just count myself lucky that no one was teasing me about how stupid my impulsive actions were.

 

Suddenly, I remembered I had a very good reason not to be in town for the dance. 

 

“Actually Mike, I just remembered. I ordered a research book from one of the libraries in Seattle and the website said it should be available next week for me to pick up. If I get the notice that it’s on hold by the Friday before the dance, I was planning to go get it on that Saturday.”

 

Mike looked surprised at my excuse, before finally giving up as we both noticed class had technically already started. Fortunately he didn’t seem interested in asking what class would prompt me to order a book from Seattle. No such class actually existed, and I didn’t want to come up with another excuse.

 

Technically I was telling the truth. Paranormal research materials are hard to come by, and while neither books nor the internet were guaranteed to have absolute fact in them, any information I could grab was valuable. 

 

This particular book I ordered the other night promised a full catalogue of mythical human-shaped figures recorded throughout mankind’s history. Even if I got no clear answers on what exactly the Cullens were, I could go through traits and form more theories.

 

As Biology’s allotted time dwindled to its last minutes, and as I was halfway through printing the lyrics to _Dead Hearts_ in an alphabet of triangles and fancy serifs, I noticed Edward Cullen was once again observing my work. Even if he didn’t want to speak to me, it seemed his curiosity about the codes remained. 

 

“It’s not as easy as the last time I let you try to figure it out” I whispered under my breath before I could stop myself. To my surprise, Edward didn’t turn away this time, even as the bell rang announcing the end of class. As I started to pack up my materials, I noticed that Edward was now leaning over my notebook, studying it intently.

 

“You did a song again, right? What decade is this one from?”

 

Shocked at the first sentences he had addressed to me since I had thanked him in the hospital, it took me a few seconds to respond.

 

“You really want another hint? You got the song part right.”

 

As he kept staring at the coded lyrics, I relented. 

 

“It’s from the 2010’s this time. Also, since I’m nice, your third hint is that it’s not a single symbol substitution this time.”

 

He rolled his eyes. “I figured that much out. I’ve counted 34 unique symbols in this one so far.”

 

I decided to seize the chance I had now that I had found something he was willing to talk about.

 

“Anyway, I do need that notebook back, but I’ll let you try to figure it out more tomorrow if the elusive solution eats away at you too much.”

 

He finally met my gaze. His own eyes were now much closer to the color they’d been the first day I’d met him. Researching mythological creatures with eye color changes had been about as fruitless as everything else I’d looked into.

 

“Fine.” He sighed and handed me my notebook, taking a moment to notice that the hand I received the notebook with was covered in more coded writing. Before he could comment on it, I hurried off to gym.

 

That night I told Dad about my plans to go to Seattle as we consumed the results of a daring new recipe I had learned, baked potatoes. In between bites of fluffy potato and the best condiment gifted to mankind, barbecue sauce, I assured him that despite the truck’s horrible gas milage, I should be fine getting to Seattle and back due to a preplanned route, and that I’d be just fine on my own.

 

“What about the dance? Are you planning to be back in time for that?”

 

I shrugged. “Probably not. I wasn’t planning on going anyway.”

 

Thankfully he didn’t press the issue further, nor did he question why I was currently adding even more delicious barbecue sauce to my potato.

 

After arriving early at school the next day, I decided to climb into the flatbed of my truck to wait out the extra time. It was nice to spend time outdoors without my photosensitive eyes being assaulted by ever present sunlight.

 

As I huddled in the flatbed, I watched the Cullen’s very shiny car pull in and park at the other end of the lot. Looking away from the five figures exiting the Volvo, I checked my watch to gauge how much longer I could stay before being forced to enter the building. 

 

“Was it a phonetic alphabet code?”

 

I whipped my head to see Edward leaning on the edge of my truck, even though he had been all the way at the end of the lot a few seconds ago. Superhuman speed was practically a confirmed factor at this point.

 

Suddenly I realized what he was talking about and responded.

 

“Almost. You’re close though. What made you ask?”

 

He looked almost annoyed. 

 

“It’s the only way it would make sense, but what I remember of it isn’t matching any phonetic alphabet that I could find.”

 

I couldn’t help letting a smirk escape.

 

“I think I’ve given enough hints for now. Want to give it another shot in Biology?”

 

He looked conflicted about something. Finally he shook his head.

 

“Lunch.”

 

I stopped climbing out of the flatbed and stared at him.

 

“…what?”

 

He gave off a small huff. 

 

“Mara, I have been literally thinking about this code all night and my patience isn’t exactly at its highest. If you’re going to complicate my life with this, I might as well crack it as soon as possible.”

 

“I didn’t realize the personal hobby of a girl you met a few weeks ago could be such a burden on you.” I snarked back as the two of us started walking towards the school building.

 

“I wouldn’t call it a burden. At this point my source of frustration is my curiosity and my inability to stop trying to unravel how confusing this is. My existence would be a lot easier if I could, trust me.”

 

I raised an eyebrow. “Is solving the codes really that important to you?”

 

He shook his head in response. “Not entirely. You are the one that’s really utterly impossible to comprehend at this point. The codes are just a part of that.”

 

As he uttered those last sentences, he turned around and stalked off down the way we had been walking, leaving me in a state of utter confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. I missed that Saturday projected post date by more than a week. Finals are still ongoing, so it might be another week before the next one. 
> 
> I'm thinking about posting some written examples of Mara's various codes between chapters. Let me know if you want to see this!
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please please please let me know how you feel about the story so far! Comments are immensely appreciated!


	6. Supplementary Materials: Triangle Substitution 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief demonstration of one of Mara's favorite codes to write in.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick example of what Triangle Substitution 4 looks like. It's full name is "Dots and Triangles" ver 4 but with every iteration she changes it to be less and less dots. That "A" had 3 dots in it during ver 1.  
> Not every letter is demonstrated, but she doesn't exactly leave keys lying around.
> 
> Fun Fact: Unless she's making a real effort, Mara's handwriting can be bad enough to be considered another indecipherable code. This would be an advantage if Mara was able to read her own writing in these cases, but alas they are basically scribbles at this point. Even when focusing she has an inconsistent hand. 
> 
> I really do like choosing fonts and writing styles that fit characters. Mara's handwriting will follow rules, like the shape of the E, but finding the balance between deliberate shaky writing and unbelievable exaggeration is hard haha. 
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter is in progress, but since moving is throwing off my schedule further, chances are it will not be released today. Thank you for your patience!


	7. Stories and Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara never learns her lesson. After trying to be subtle, it turns out blurting out exactly what you're thinking can get you what you asked for, be it good or bad in the end.

After spending the next few classes in a puzzled daze, I finally snapped my brain into a sense of clarity with the realization that having lunch with Edward allowed for even more chances to guess what exactly he was. Even if he kept making cryptic and nonsensical statements about my mental state, it was basically worth it if I got to gather more information about him. I hoped he wasn’t planning on having me sit with the other Alabasters though.

 

To my relief Edward was sitting at an empty table as I walked into the cafeteria, away from his family. Thankful that I hadn’t forgotten the notebook with the requested code in it, I sat down and held it out.

 

“As promised” I said with a bit of a smirk as he flipped through to the requested page, stopping a bit to look at other codes and indecipherable handwriting.

 

“Did you just keep the same notebook you used at your last school?” He looked up at me with an amused expression, chuckling when I nodded in affirmation.

 

“It made the move easier, especially since it was such a hasty decision on my part. This way I had one less task to think about.”

 

Edward put down the code he was studying and matched my gaze. “Why was coming here a hasty decision?”

 

I stalled for time by finishing the bite of food I had so that I could compose a good answer for how blunt that question was. 

 

“Long story short, my mom got remarried, it was awkward, and after a few months I realized this was as good a chance as any to get out of Phoenix without seeming like too terrible a daughter.”

 

Edward suddenly looked sympathetic for some reason. “So you and your mother’s husband don’t get along then?” I quickly shook my head. 

 

“No no no, it’s not like that at all. It’s just that he moves around a bunch for his job as a baseball player and my mother didn’t want to uproot me, so she stayed with me in Phoenix even though she missed him. I did try multiple times to convince her that I’d be fine on my own, but she wouldn’t hear of it. Being here with Dad was the only chance I had to get away.”

 

I paused, choosing my next words a bit carefully.

 

“It’s not that I dislike either of them, not at all. In the end I’m just not as attached to people or places as she is, so making a quick decision to move away didn’t take much effort on my part. Even if I’m being selfish here, at least everyone’s happy. My mom may miss me but she has Phil now, and my Dad was so eager sounding when I suggested the idea to him that I really have no guilt over this whatsoever.”

 

“That doesn’t sound so selfish to me,” Edward responded.

 

I shrugged. “If you say so.”

 

“So you don’t regret the move even after you landed in the hospital?”

I gave off a small laugh to that one. “I’ve been in the hospital before for other dumb things, that’s why they kept me overnight after all. It just makes Forks more interesting, that’s all. That and a few other things here.”

 

He paused at my last words before shaking his head. “After seeing that stunt you tried to pull by sliding under your truck I’m almost afraid to ask what else has gotten you hurt.”

 

I blushed a bit. This story was always an awkward one. 

 

“Well…I may have made a really dumb decision as a twelve year old. I got a new gear bike after years of saving up, and I decided that even if the braking system was unfamiliar to me I should still ride it down this staircase like I always did with my old bike.”

 

The notebook and code were left forgotten at this point as Edward just stared at me in disbelief.

 

“So anyway that was a terrible decision because I was unable to control the speed by pedaling backwards, especially since I thought that a higher gear setting meant braking faster for some reason, so I was going too fast when I started descending. By some miracle I managed to reach the bottom, but when I touched the pavement I accidentally only braked the front wheel. That immediately sent me over the handlebars.”

 

Edward gaped at me. “Please tell me you at least were wearing a helmet during all of this.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “No, that would have been a smart decision. Why add one now?”

 

Chuckling a bit as his groan, I continued. “Anyway the real tragedy there wasn’t the injuries, it was the fact that this somehow completely wrecked the bike. I had to save up another year for a new one, although since the new one was blue I wasn’t too disappointed in the end.”

 

“Oh yes, I’m sure that made all the difference.” I am not the best at telling when people are using sarcasm but I could say with pretty good certainty that was exactly what Edward was using. 

 

“So that’s the only other stupid thing I’ve done that ended up with me in the hospital. Two incidents total isn’t really a bad thing overall. I’ve done some things that people keep saying I’m lucky to leave unscathed from, even if I don’t think it’s a big deal.”

 

Edward sighed. “I’m definitely afraid to ask.”

 

“Well the thing that people usually freak out about when I tell them actually happened here in Forks, around four years ago. I used to come up yearly to visit Dad. Neither he nor Mom know about it, but the people I told in school really flipped when I told them the story.”

 

I took note of the fact that Edward’s look deepened when I mentioned that it was here.

 

“So long story short I chased a bear.”

 

His mouth actually fell open. That was another reaction I didn’t think happened in real life.

 

“Mara, for the love of _anything_ , do you just have no sense of self preservation? At all?”

 

I raised my hands in defense. “It wasn’t a grizzly or something that dangerous, it was a black bear!”

 

“That doesn’t make it better! It’s still a bear!”

 

I huffed. “Well nothing hurt me. I just followed it around for a few minutes at a safe distance. I don’t think it noticed me. It was just too interesting not to stalk. I’d never seen one in the wild before.”

 

Edward just looked broken as I stopped talking. “Mara. Black bears can run. _Fast._ If it had decided to chase you for whatever reason, you couldn’t get away from it. You’d be at its mercy.”

 

“Yeah, so I may be the only person in the world that isn’t too scared by my actions.”

 

“You should be. You just casually admitted that you casually chased a predator with no consideration to your own life, out of nothing but curiosity.”

 

I shrugged. “You’re probably right, but I’ve never been able to regret it. Even if it happened when I was thirteen, I would think that I still would have done it if I were seventeen or any other age really.”

 

“I’m starting to think you need some kind of protection system. That story alone just shows way too much blatant disregard for any kind of common sense.” Edward still hadn’t picked up the notebook. He also had left his food completely untouched this entire time.

 

“I don’t think that’s necessary. Anyway, I’ve been dominating the conversation, sorry. How about you tell me some stupid stuff you’ve done in the past?”

 

His jaw tightened. “Not happening.”

 

I smirked a bit. “Ok, then how about you tell me entertaining stories of how you completely followed rules of common sense to try and educate poor little senseless me over here?”

 

That lightened his expression again. “I’m not sure too many of those are entertaining at all.”

 

“Of course they aren’t. No one makes news stories of someone crossing the street only when the light is green, do they?”

 

“So as long as your life is entertaining you, safety is a second hand consideration?”

 

“That’s one way to sum it up.”

 

He actually ended up smiling to that. “Well that’s one puzzle solved about you. That only leaves around fifty million more to clear up.”

 

I raised my eyebrows, confused. “Why are you so fixated on trying to ‘solve’ me? You keep saying things like that.”

 

Edward sighed, looking aside for a moment before looking back at me.

 

“The thing is that I have no idea how to read you. Your thoughts and actions are utterly impossible for me to anticipate. That’s not usually the case for me at all.”

“Thoughts?”

 

He flinched a bit at that, but kept his self control. “…I just mean what you’ve described of your thought process. Even your descriptions don’t help me understand.”

 

“So other people are easier to understand then?”

 

“ _Infinitely_.” He put enough amount of emphasis on that word for me to mark it down as potential data for my theories. 

 

“So what else do you want to understand about me then?” I knew I was supposed to be finding out more about him but I was getting the feeling that this direction of conversation would continue to be insightful.

 

“For starters? What kind of research is causing you to go all the way to Seattle?” 

 

I chewed on my lip a bit hesitantly, surprised he was listening to my conversation the other day. I was completely torn between making up a believable lie and just seeing what blurting the outright truth would reveal. I decided to stall for time.

 

“You’ll think its silly.”

 

“Mara at this point I don’t think you can surprise me.”

 

Stalling had failed. I decided to go with the truth. Or at least as misleading version of the truth as I could muster. “It’s a book on mythology and paranormal activity. That’s sort of a hobby of mine at the moment.”

 

As I had feared, his expression became slightly suspicious. 

 

“Were you really hesitant to tell me because you thought I’d find it ridiculous?”

 

I needed to save face, quickly. “I don’t know anything about you yet. For all I know, you would find it silly to use so much gas for a book on the supernatural.”

 

He relaxed a bit. “That’s fair.”

 

As I was internally celebrating he decided to throw another conversational curveball at me. 

 

“Then why don’t I drive you to Seattle instead? That way your milage won’t be a problem. I can’t imagine the problems a truck like yours could cause.”

 

I flushed. “I can’t ask that of you!”

 

“You wouldn’t be asking, I’m offering. I really have nothing going on that day.”

 

I really was not used to situations like this. Even if I wasn’t convinced he was some sort of paranormal being, the very situation of a boy asking me to spend time with him was something new in my life. The amount of dangers were endless; he was practically a stranger, he was far stronger than me, he was potentially a supernatural creature who wanted to eat me, it was a bit too much to think about.

 

“Are you sure?” I managed to ask.

 

“Yes. I’m being completely serious.”

 

Once again, curiosity ruled over sense. “Then yes. Thank you very much for your generosity.”

 

The bell signaling the end of class rang and I stood up, gathering my trash and notebook. “I guess you’ll have to look over my shoulder some more during class today if you want to solve it.”

 

He shook his head. “I’ve basically given up at this point. I’m ditching Bio today anyway.”

 

I tilted my head a bit in response. “Is that really a thing you can get away with here? You already skipped an entire week.”

 

“It’s actually ridiculously easy for me.” He said smirking.

 

“Well as fun as that sounds, I’m going to class because I really don’t get Bio at all and skipping won’t help me on that front at all.” 

 

“Trust me, I’ve noticed.”

 

“Have you? I honesty thought you didn’t want anything to do with me until this morning.”

 

He frowned and looked away.

 

“Lets just say you and I both share an inability to do what should be common sense. Even if you’re impossibly worse with that than me.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “Look at that, another cryptic statement. I’ll have to talk to you later then I guess.”

 

I threw out my trash and hurried to Bio, making it to class with good time before the second bell rang. I used the time I had to write down new theories and notes I had gleaned from the lunch conversation. I decided to worry about him and Seattle at later time. 

 

Mr. Banner interrupted my thoughts by putting an armful of small cardboard boxes down in Edward’s empty space at my table. After asking Mike to start passing one to each classmate, he pulled out the contents and started describing them. As he talked, I stared down at the small micro-lancet in my box and identified it immediately. I’ve had enough blood tests as a child to know what I was looking at.

 

At this moment Mr. Banner decided to interrupt my thought process by grabbing Mike’s hand and jabbing the barb into his finger. 

 

_What._

 

_That’s straight up bleeping assault there dude._

 

_You can’t just…._

 

I knew my blood type already, and I was completely convinced at this point that if I didn’t skewer my own finger pointlessly, Mr. Banner the Child Stabber would do it forcefully. I decided to try and fib my way out of this. I put my arms over my head as I leaned down and willed the blood to drain from my face or any other of my vertigo symptoms to manifest.

 

“Mara, are you alright?” Mr. Banner the Child Stabber’s voice was way too close for comfort.

 

“Um… I know my blood type already, it’s O-positive. Also I have a hereditary blood condition, so I really shouldn’t injure myself intentionally. Also I really really really can’t look at blood can I leave?” I made my voice intentionally shaky, hoping it didn’t sound too realistic. Pretending I was standing on a glass floor really helped though.

 

“A blood condition? No you should definitely see the nurse. Make sure that’s in her files too, alright Mara? I completely forgot to check with her before class about this kind of thing, but just in case.”

 

I sighed. “It should be in there.” The blood condition wasn’t a fib actually. It is just so minor it’s practically non-existent, but Mr. Banner the Child Stabber had no need to know that.

 

After assuring him I could stagger my way to the nurse, I gathered up my belongings and left the room. I decided to actually go to the nurse just for the sake of the story, but lessened up on the charade as I walked. As I walked outside to cross to the building I was pretty sure the nurse’s office was in, I heard a familiar voice call my name.

 

“Mara? What are you doing out here?”

 

I glanced at Edward, blurting out the first thing that came to mind as he walked towards me. “You could have warned me you know.”

 

He looked shocked. “…about what?”

 

“That Mr. Banner is a Child Stabbing demon who thinks self conducted blood tests are proper class material. I refuse to believe this isn't the reason you’re skipping.”

 

He had been laughing at my epithet for our Bio teacher but stopped after hearing my accusation. 

 

“I heard him ask the nurse if anyone had blood conditions when I was walking by. That’s how I knew. I am curious as to why specifically you’re calling him the “Child Stabber” though.”

 

He was lying. He was lying and trying to change the subject. I threw caution to the wind and went straight to the point.

 

“He stabbed Mike’s hand out of nowhere and without permission, but that’s not as interesting now as the fact that Mr. Banner told me he forgot to ask the nurse at all about blood conditions.”

 

Edward looked uncomfortable, trying again to shift the subject. “…He must have forgotten. Why are you out here then? Do you have a blood condition?”

 

I nodded, letting the matter pass. “Yes, but I failed to notify him about how minor it is. I just see no reason to intentionally injure myself for no reason. So I played that up and faked a fainting spell to get sent to the nurse instead.”

 

He laughed. “Smart thinking Mara. Do you need an escort to make it more believable?”

 

“Maybe I should just pass out. No one would question my story if you had to carry me to the nurse, and that way I’m saved in actually knowing for sure where the nurse’s office is.”

 

“Good idea.” Before I could process this I was lifted into the air without warning and Edward took off while holding me. Amidst my shock I realized that I had been wrong after all about what building the nurse was in.

 

“Um…Edward I was just joking.”

 

“Hush Mara you’re supposed to be faint, remember? Also this way you can’t chase after a wolf or something else dangerous.”

 

I groaned, and did my best to look nauseated and uncomfortable. That was easy, because instead of being warm, Edward was giving off no detectable body heat. Interesting, but that could be just from being outside. 

 

He entered the nurse’s office, explaining the situation as he laid me down on the paper covered mattress, and then settled himself against the nearby wall as the nurse left to get some ice for me. 

 

I turned to face Edward, ignoring the annoying rustling of the paper below me. “So what exactly were you doing outside? It’s not smart to ditch class if someone can exit a building and see you.” 

 

“I was in my car listening to a CD, so it’s not like I was particularly easy to spot.”

 

“Doesn’t that drain the battery? However would your siblings forgive you for such an offense?”

 

He smirked. “Trust me, they’d understand.”

 

“You guys seem close. I’m a bit jealous.” He looked away.

 

“Thanks for the compliment.”

 

Just then the nurse entered back in with Mike, supporting an actually ill classmate. I jumped off the cot, assuring the nurse that I was recovered, and left with Edward, followed soon by Mike.

 

“You look suspiciously better.” Mike had a bit of a skeptical tone in his voice.

 

“I recover fast. But I forgot to make sure my file contains the blood condition so I should stay here for now.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Mike headed back to class, not noticing the quiet laughter emanating from Edward. I looked at him questioningly.

 

“I thought you were exaggerating about Mr. Banner. Good thing you left, otherwise he’d have three victims instead of two.” 

 

I raised an eyebrow. “I was wondering if that’s what happened. It’s awfully late in the class to feel faint. Although I can’t help but notice you seemed awfully sure of the events.”

 

He hesitated again. “It’s just basic reasoning, is all.”

 

“You know, given everything, I’m not sure how much longer you can try and convince me you aren’t somehow able to hear people’s thoughts.”

 

_Holy **** did I seriously just blurt that out what the hell Mara._

 

I choked when I realized just what I had said without thinking. Even if it was an unconfirmed theory with little evidence, his silence was betraying some sort of affirmation.

 

I noticed Edward’s shocked face mirrored my own now frozen expression until he backed up and called to the nurse to look at how pale I was.

 

“I think Mara needs to go home. She obviously hasn’t fully recovered yet.”

 

The nurse took one look at my face, handed an excuse pass to Edward, and left us alone as Edward took ahold of my arm and started steering me out of the building towards the parking lot. I was torn between getting to leave school early or leaving with someone I knew was dangerous, I had just alerted I was onto him, and was far stronger than me physically. I was pretty sure I didn’t have a choice anyway though, Edward wasn’t looking at me but I could see the intensity in his eyes as we walked.

 

“I can’t imagine why you would think something like that.” He finally muttered.

 

“It’s just basic reasoning, is all.” I echoed his earlier statement. If anything though, I was totally convinced at this point that his reaction was because I’d hit the nail on the head. 

 

Edward didn’t look amused as we exited the building. “Is that really what you think?”

 

I couldn’t help but notice that I was being pulled to his car but despite how many ways this could go horribly wrong I still wanted to pursue this line. “You’re the telepath, you tell me. Also why are we going to your car? I’d rather not.”

 

“We are going to my car because we need to talk.”

 

“Can’t we use my truck then? I’m not sure your siblings would like it if you took their ride away.”

 

“No.”

 

I started to dig my heels in, borderline panic finally starting to register as his grip tightened and he dragged me further.

 

“You’re not doing a good job of convincing me I wasn’t right back there you know.”

 

He paused at that, still holding onto my arm.

 

“You already suspected I had abilities, didn’t you.”

 

I sighed. “There were too many unexplainable things about what happened with the car crash. Also do you think you can loosen the grip a bit there? The only thing my blood condition does is make bruising last longer.”

 

Perhaps reminded of how he’d injured me that day, he flinched and I was able to slip my arm out of his grasp. 

 

I decided to compromise. “Look. If I go with you in your car, and I’m only now realizing that my truck won’t do because then you’d be stuck at my house unless I dropped you at yours first, will you actually just talk to me instead of making more cryptic remarks?”

 

Edward’s stare bored into mine. “You really did learn nothing from chasing that bear, did you?”

 

“You’re not a bear.”

 

“You’re right.” Edward leaned down, bringing his face closer to mine. “I’m worse.”

 

_Drama Queen much? Oops, did he hear that?_

 

He didn’t react to my thoughts visibly. I frowned. 

 

“So are you just not listening to my thoughts at all or were you just not insulted?” For some reason, being direct was working. Go figure.

 

“Just get in the car Mara.”

 

“Wait my truck…” Edward opened the passenger door for me as I remembered that I still needed to get to school tomorrow. Unless Edward killed me. That would remove that particular snag.

 

“I’ll have Alice get it.” 

 

“Nice of you to ask her. Also how are your siblings going to get home?”

 

“I’ll go back for them.”

 

I climbed into the car finally. Perhaps I really did have a problem with ignoring obvious dangers.

 

As we pulled out of the parking lot I recognized the music pouring out of the speakers.

 

“Oh. That’s Clair de Lune, right?”

 

“You know Debussy?” Edward looked surprised.

 

“Who?” I realized a moment later that was probably the name of the composer. Edward looked just as exasperated as I felt.

 

I decided to try the direct approach again. “So can you turn the telepath thing on and off? Because you didn’t react to a lot of my thoughts, and trust me I was actually paying attention to that.” I didn’t tell him that was only once, and just a minute ago.

 

“I tune it out usually, but no, it doesn’t turn off.” I was shocked at how well the direct approach was working. I hoped he wasn’t lying, I am too gullible for my own good sometimes.

 

“So what thoughts of mine have you been hearing then?” I was confused at how he had never figured out before my stupid word-vomit that I had suspected he wasn’t a normal human if he really could hear thoughts.

 

“Noise.” He was frowning.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I was really confused at this point.

 

“I can’t hear your thoughts like other people. And I really shouldn’t even be telling you that, but I have a feeling you’ll pester me until I tell you, now that I was stupid and overreacted like that.”

 

“Ok but can you go into a bit more detail? What is ‘noise’ supposed to even mean?”

 

“Your thoughts aren’t clear. They’re white noise, gibberish, gargled vocalizations that don’t form coherent sounds in any language I know. It’s like hearing someone read backwards at best.”

 

This was fascinating. “Wow. No wonder you hated me. I’d be driven to murder if something that irritating was pouring into my head.”

 

He looked confused. “You think I hated you?”

 

“You did try to transfer out of the one class we share the second I arrived.”

 

He looked guilty. “That wasn’t it.”

 

“Really? What was?”

 

He shot me a look. “I think I’ve revealed enough today.”

 

We pulled into my Dad’s driveway. “Wait how did you know where I live?”

 

“Would you believe it was a lucky guess?”

 

“Absolutely not!” That was a bit creepy.

 

Edward stopped the car. “One last thing. You suspected I was a telepath, but do you suspect anything else?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Something supernatural. Hence the research.” I was done with subtlety.

 

“I’m not going to give you any more freebies. It’s too dangerous for you to know what you already do.”

 

“Is guessing allowed?” He looked amused.

 

“You won’t get an answer this time.”

 

“So it’s ok to do it later? Perfect. Thanks for the ride.”

 

I dashed out of the car into the now pouring rain towards my front step before he could get another word in. As I watched his car retreat I hoped he would follow through on his promise to have my truck brought back. Even so, I had learned a great deal today.

 

There was no way at this point I could either stop or come to regret this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was so loooooong! I can't believe I even finished it! Or that it's like half the length of everything else combined whoops.
> 
> Please let me know your comments! It makes me super happy when my work is enjoyable.
> 
> Hope to see you with the next chapter soon!


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